Lessons from the Kickball Field

When I first told a colleague I was joining a kickball team in DC she was like, "You are on the edge, Kim... 28 is toeing the line of being too old to play." I was outraged. Until I realized WHY she said it.

The kickball scene in DC is crazy, it's wild, it's truly out of control. But here's the thing, there is very little kicking actually going on. DC Kickball should be called DC Sexball. People are playing the field, not playing ON the field (sorry, I had to!) They join this sport to drink and makeout and play endless games of flip cup. The Kickball league leader even sends out a weekly newsletter describing (in detail) all the hookups that happened the week before.

But, despite the lack of actual ball kicking that takes place on the National Mall, I have learned some valuable lessons:

• Once an athlete, always an athlete... and if you were NEVER great at sports, you probably never will be. Kickball may be a game you play in fifth grade gym class, but if you weren't able to whack that red ball far back then, you won't be able to do so now (trust me, I know first hand).


• Competitive, obnoxious bullies still exist... and can be found bunting balls (grrr!), disputing the referee, and planning strategic ways to slaughter the opposing team. It's kickball people - calm it down.


• Frat guys and Sorostitutes might have once been hot... but definitely lose their shiny, beer goggles appeal a few years out of college. 20 and 30 somethings slamming beer cans agains their heads, grinding up against sticky walls in the basement of a bar, and drinking until they are blacked out are NOT attractive.

Are you ever too old to play kickball? No way! I'll be missing balls and not getting on the base until I'm 80 years old. (I also don't think you can ever be too old to rush down a slip n' slide but that's another story).

But I do believe there is an expiration date on some of the extracurricular activities associated with DC Kickball.

And now... I will go hide under my bed as every DC Kickball person throws balls at my head.