After Shocks of Turning 28

Three weeks, 2 days, and five and a half hours after turning 28 years old, I've been diagnosed with a plethora of problems including, but not limited to:

• Sciatica - often associated with the elderly, this is a pinched nerve in my lower back that causes pain to spread into my butt and makes me hobble around after long runs and during rain storms


• Dermatitis - an extreme version of dandruff; the doctor told me it was unacceptable to live like this (I honestly didn't think it was THAT bad) and gave me an unlimited prescription for special shampoo


• Early Onset of Periodontis - the dentist is usually my safe haven, a place where they endlessly compliment my smile and my teeth; this time, although they did bestow glowing praise, they also let me know that I have the beginnings of gum disease. I'm currently at a level four, but if I get to level five they'll have to... The sentence was never finished, the hygenist just shook her head ominously

And those are just the highlights. Seriously. What is going on? I'm on the fast track towards old age and I'm only 28. Or perhaps, this is older than I had originally thought. When I tell the 23 year olds in my office that I'm 28, they stare at me in shock and say, "OMYGOD really? You're 28?!" Which is a compliment in one respect (I'm assuming they think I look like I'm 25) and an insult at the same time (Apparently 28 is a crazy age).

And maybe it is. I remember when I was 23, I called my dad to tell him about my boss. He asked how old my new boss was. I was like, oh she's older, like 30.

I want to tackle my younger self and knock some sense into her. But I'm worried I might inflame my sciatica in the process.