The Ex-Boyfriend Ambush

Sometimes, it feels like they are everywhere - skulking down every street, eating in every restaurant, drinking at every bar. And just when you think you've avoided them, purged them from your system, detoxed from the devil they have to go and invade your dreams or text you, maybe send you a tweet or facebook friend you.

That's right. I'm talking about the ex-boyfriend ambush. Out of nowhere they just pop up, making your day go topsy turvy for a few minutes (or sometimes a few hours).

It has been a long time since I've seriously thought about the guys who have broken my heart. It's a rare moment that I even think about where they've ended up or what my life would be like if I had stayed with them.

But... when one of them friends me on Facebook (as one just did today)... it's hard to hit the "ignore" button. I wanted to, honestly! but some part of me needed to know. I had to find out! Call it morbid curiosity. Call it an insatiable craving to stalk, to satisfy that "what if" itch that rarely rears its ugly head (but when it does... it is impossible not to scratch).

Is he married? Does he have kids? Is he happy?

Turns out: Yes. Yes (OMG - th exbf I knew should NOT have been allowed to have children). And... I don't know.

Another realization (after the speeding up of my heart, the obsessive clicking over each photo, the analyzing of each image and every message on his wall):

I am SO happy he broke my heart. I mean, listen - I would NEVER want to go through that pain again... the tears and the stomach aches and the days without eating.

But years later, having moved on several times over... I can be grateful. That short, static glimpse of what could have been, of where I might have ended up, of who I might have become... makes me SO incredibly thankful that he is a memory of my past, that he is just a friend on Facebook... that he is not the face of my future.