It's Amazing...

...How many deep conversations happen after drinking 3 (fine, 5) glasses of wine. It's likely that I solved the economic crisis and not remembered the next morning.

...How easily I justify my ever-expanding hips on my body being "child-bearing ready" (please note, body may be ready, the rest of me is not)

...How many times I mistake a random person for a former ex-flame (I totally freaked a guy out at an AT&T story today by staring at him for a good five minutes only to determine that he definitely wasn't who I thought he was)

The Un-Friending Effect

I've been UN-friended.

This shouldn't be a big deal, this small action shouldn't cause me to get excited, shouldn't make me huff and puff about the nerve of someone hitting the UN-friend Facebook button. I mean, if they UN-friended me, I probably wasn't that friendly with them to begin with.

BUT.

The ex-boyfriend, the one you might have read about yesterday, the one who FRIENDED me just a day ago... well, he UN-friended me today. A Facebook break up! Not as dramatic and hardly as hurtful - but a breakup nonetheless.

Granted - if he read the blog post, he probably realized it was about him, and I'm sure he was insulted.

But, as I pointed out, I'm not the one who friended him. I would never have actively hit the "add as friend" button. I mean - he broke up with me 3 hours before we were supposed to go on a vacation together. 3 HOURS! What was he expecting? A welcome back party back into my life?

BUT. I digress.

As the shock of being UN-friended wears off, I find myself a little disappointed (no more stalking!) But more importantly... I feel a sense of joy. Sort of similar to what I felt yesterday.

Because apparently, my ex-boyfriend and now former Facebook friend, still has commitment issues.

Validation? I think so.

The Ex-Boyfriend Ambush

Sometimes, it feels like they are everywhere - skulking down every street, eating in every restaurant, drinking at every bar. And just when you think you've avoided them, purged them from your system, detoxed from the devil they have to go and invade your dreams or text you, maybe send you a tweet or facebook friend you.

That's right. I'm talking about the ex-boyfriend ambush. Out of nowhere they just pop up, making your day go topsy turvy for a few minutes (or sometimes a few hours).

It has been a long time since I've seriously thought about the guys who have broken my heart. It's a rare moment that I even think about where they've ended up or what my life would be like if I had stayed with them.

But... when one of them friends me on Facebook (as one just did today)... it's hard to hit the "ignore" button. I wanted to, honestly! but some part of me needed to know. I had to find out! Call it morbid curiosity. Call it an insatiable craving to stalk, to satisfy that "what if" itch that rarely rears its ugly head (but when it does... it is impossible not to scratch).

Is he married? Does he have kids? Is he happy?

Turns out: Yes. Yes (OMG - th exbf I knew should NOT have been allowed to have children). And... I don't know.

Another realization (after the speeding up of my heart, the obsessive clicking over each photo, the analyzing of each image and every message on his wall):

I am SO happy he broke my heart. I mean, listen - I would NEVER want to go through that pain again... the tears and the stomach aches and the days without eating.

But years later, having moved on several times over... I can be grateful. That short, static glimpse of what could have been, of where I might have ended up, of who I might have become... makes me SO incredibly thankful that he is a memory of my past, that he is just a friend on Facebook... that he is not the face of my future.

Aggressively Normal

My friend WR pointed out to me the other day that one side effect of taking Ambien is that you can become "aggressively normal." After much research, I still don't really understand what this means.

Because honestly, what's normal? Much less aggressively normal???

If I pop an Ambien, instead of getting sleepy will I become exceedingly friendly? Will I scream at the Starbucks lady for taking too long to make my drink? Will I offer my seat on the metro to a perfectly healthy human capable of standing on their own two feet?

I feel like I'm far from normal, so maybe it would just make me act like a normal person, rather than an aggressively normal person.

New to my bucket list: Take an Ambien and see where it leads me

From the Trenches: Embrace Being 30

An interview with MFK - a former wild child turned domesticated 30-something.

Were you nervous about turning 30?

Actually, no. I was looking forward to it, to be honest. I felt that turning 30 meant people were now going to start taking me seriously in the work place. It just felt like a pretty cool right of passage. Turning 30 - it's huge!

But what about getting older? Were you scared about that?

What's an age? People tell me I look like I'm in my 20s all the time. I'm more afraid of 40, that's what scares me. But 30 is the new 20.

When you turned 30, did anything change?
I made it into a bigger deal than I needed it to be and spent my 30th in Miami. Until I hit 32 (wait, am I really 32?) it wasn't until then that I settled down a little bit.

What's better now that you're in your 30s?

I am wiser. I think I've had a lot of work experience, life experience. I've met all sorts of people. I'm definitely more settled and I"m more confident. I'm definitely in better shape at 30 then I was at 28. It's all mind over matter - it's all about how young you feel. My grandmother always told me, age does not matter; and that woman rocked it in her 70s... rocked it for a long while.

Is there anything you miss about being in your 20s?

I would say, to be brave, to take chances and risks because you are only going to be your 20something self for so long. I used to think I was too old to conquer something, but it's not true. You're never too old - and I'm sure I'll tell my 30something self the same thing when I'm 40something.

Any parting words for those of us turning 30?

Embrace it. You never know where you're going to be in a couple of years.

About MFK

Married: YES! (A newlywed of 2.5 months married to a hot 20something)

Music Lover: YES! (all-time fave band: The Beatles)

Sailor: YES! (just recently found her sea legs)

Home owner: ALMOST! (fingers crossed)

What Do I Want To Be?

People used to ask me, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" When I was five, I wanted to be a vet. When I was ten, a writer. When I was 15, an actress. At age 18, a journalist. At 22, I finally landed in the public relations sector.

And then all of a sudden, people started asking, "Is this what you want to do with the rest of your life?"

My response: Heart palpitations. Sweaty palms. Hyper-focus on my daily life in the office.

The REST OF MY LIFE. It's so ominous. It's so (hopefully) loooooooong.

IS this REALLY what I want do forever? If it's not, what is it that I DO want to do??

Do I want to go back to school? Write on the weekends? Visit a life coach? Up my Zoloft intake and call it a day?

How is that as I get older, I find myself more lost?

ISO A Big Belly Laugh

It has been a tough couple of days. Maybe it's the end of summer blues. Maybe it's the stifling heat. Maybe it just... is. I think I might be, what is clinically referred to as, "in a funk." Not a life threatening one. Just a little one. But a funk nonetheless.

So when my colleague mentioned going to see Wanda Sykes, I said SIGN ME UP! I'm in need of one of those stomach clenching, cheeks aching, tears running down my face laughs. I don't care if it causes 80 more wrinkles around my mouth and 55 additional crows feet. I need a Big Belly Laugh.

And while I'm not sure Wanda is exactly what the doctor ordered... she is close enough.

Eye Opening

These magazines are doing a number on my psyche (or, playing into all my insecurities about getting older). Either way, I am starting to become obsessed with finding products that will help me maintain my youth.

I spent about 30 minutes in CVS the other day walking up and down the aisles debating if I should get restoring hair serum, wrinkle reducing face cream, nourishing body lotion, lip plumping gloss, and a host of other products that promise to reverse the signs of aging.

Turns out, your lips become thinner over time (the only part of our bodies we wish would gain weight).

Turns out, the skin around your eyes need to be pampered as much, if not more than, the skin on your arms and legs.

As usual... SIGH.

But since I'm broke, I decided to only purchase one necessity: L'Oreal Eye Defense.

Hopefully the next time you see me, I'll be free of dark circles and crow's feet.