Being Single Stinks

I was single for a long time, which probably comes as a surprise to those who didn't know me pre-domesticity. I think I might have dated most of the (crazy) New York City guys and half of the Hoboken male population. I won't go into the traumatizing stories (strippers, naked bathroom guy, the American Girl Place pianist) and the crushing disappointments when I realized that Mr. Perfect Investment Banker was actually Mr. Bipolar Disorder with Control Issues.

Needless to say, I hated dating. I hated being single. I hated flirting (despite becoming a master), and the small talk and the uncomfortable silences and (what felt like) endless, unsatisfying first (and last) kisses.

And people always ask, "But you are in a relationship now; can't you look back and go, 'oh that was actually fun'?"

They say, "Wasn't it all worth it? All the stories? All the bad dates?"

I need to let everyone know that, yes, of course it was all worth it. But for all the funny stories and fantastic fodder it has given me, I wouldn't want to re-do it. Nope - not even knowing the outcome, not even having the hindsight that I would meet my love, would I want to go through it again.

That said, dating is a necessary evil. It needs to be done. And as one very wise friend, SB, has said, "Every asshole you date, every guy that breaks your heart (or you break his!), brings you one step closer to the one you are going to end up with."

So for all my single ladies - grab a wing woman, take a vodka shot, and put yourself out there.

All The Single Ladies

There must be something in the water. I'm convinced. Recently, I've heard ridiculous breakup stories that included guys saying the most ridiculous things. Such as:

"I'm sorry, I just can't dial into this relationship right now"

"You don't go to the gym enough"

"You never talk about your job or what you do while at your job. It makes me think you lack passion and ambition."

I could go on, but you get the point.

What the F?!?!

I'm trying to think of the breakups I've gone through and the stupid things that were said to me, but apparently I've blocked them out. I remember how the worst ones have happened: three hours before a graduation trip to Virginia Beach; the night before a Chemistry final in college - those are the ones that stick out and make me feel queasy even thinking about them. But I don't remember the exact words that were used - though I'm sure they were similar to the ones above.

Which brings me to my next point.

Thank goodness. Thank goodness for me that the struggling actor, the bipolar finace guy, the alcoholic journalist (I could go on and on) broke my heart and left me. I can look back now and say THANK GOD!!!!!!! And soon, one day in the near future, my fabulous friends will say, "I dodged a major bullet - now I'm free to find guys worthy of my time."

In the meantime, though, they are allowed to cry and eat lots of ice cream and drink tons of wine.

So here's a shout out to all the single ladies - when that song comes on, I'm going to dance extra hard for you and pull out my best moves in your honor!